It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
