CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
