I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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