Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
