I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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