It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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