I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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