not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
