She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
