Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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