Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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