Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
