I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
