I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
