Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
