I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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