Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
