He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
do nipples grow back?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
