I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
