I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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