Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
did i just pee glitter
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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