You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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