well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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