he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he shaved USA in his pubs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
