dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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