I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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