Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize