Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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