At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
