If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
