She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
