I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this beer tastes like vomit already
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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