I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
