what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
