Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
