going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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