Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
