You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize