I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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