so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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