but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He shit in the fireplace
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
