my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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