i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
