I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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