i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
