i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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