Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
