I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
