She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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