Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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