I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize