His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
