guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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