his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
