alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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