When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
