So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
