I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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