It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
