i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
