walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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