Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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