I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Did I show you my penis last night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
