And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
