hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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