can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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