how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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