you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
