Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
