yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
