I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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