..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
