his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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