I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
