I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
