I wish I only lived at night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
