So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
