So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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